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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Top Ten Worst Science Fiction Shows

So, I've done a "best" and "overrated" list, so why not a "worst" list? I'll be overly opinionated and base many of those opinions on limited exposure. So if you want to point out things like "well, maybe you should watch more of a show before you damn it" or "you don't know what you're talking about, XXX show is absolutely super duper awesome" you can hold your breath. If you want to launch a valid, well-thought argument against my choices, please do. I'm curious what people think so long as their opinions are not based on zealot-ish loyalty to a show. Here goes:
  • Stargate Atlantis
    Sorry, this show is absolute crap. That's why it's being cancelled. It blows, especially that really annoying guy who sounds like a weasel. Sorry, but Stargate had its run and it ended with SG1. Get over it. (I've seen an episode of this show and it was so terrible I tuned out)
  • Lost
    Gilligan's Island without the jokes. No thank you. I'd rather laugh than have to consider how stupid Lost is. Not to mention that any TV show that is so complex that you can't jump in late and at least make some sort of sense of things really doesn't deserve to be on a network station. Put it on HBO or something. Leave network TV to shows that matter.
  • Heroes
    This is the retarded version of have Wolverine without claws, and now apparently there's a guy that's exactly like Magneto, only nowhere near as cool. So, instead of doing something really cool with the whole mutant thing, this show just showed us what it's like to be the retarded cousin of the X-men and all their Marvel buddies. Oh, and there's time travel and samurai swords, which might be the only redeeming things about this show. In fact, I think the whole show should just be about that Japanese guy. Oh and there are too many damned characters in this show for me to give a crap about (and that's in the first season, when I stopped watching). BSG at least was intelligent enough to spread their character development accordingly.
  • Mystery Science Theater
    I already hate it when people talk, or even whisper, when they're in the cinema, so why would I watch a show with puppets talking over a movie? I've seen it and it's stupid. And I blame this show for creating a generation of assholes who talk in movie, the rest of us don't think your silly joke about Jessica Simpson's breast size is funny...not even a little. Okay, maybe we think it is funny, but the fact that we're pissed off that you're even talking overrides that. Besides, this is sort of like Beavis & Butthead, only not nearly as funny.
  • Knight Rider (the new one)
    Hollywood is retarded. Not only are they incapable, more often than not, of being remotely original, but they are also completely inadequate about doing something new and interesting with old concepts. The exception is Battlestar Galactica, which took a rather ridiculous show that was basically cheese in television form and revitalized it into one of the best shows ever made.
    Knight Rider, however, is an example of when Hollywood does wrong. The premiere gave us the old Knight Rider, as I remember it, with all the cheesiness that that entails, and tried to make it seem new with a flashy new KITT, a more modern setting, etc. And it failed. Instead, we were left with a show that seemed like it was going nowhere. Add to it that the Hoff has announced his refusal to have a cameo appearance and you know this show is doomed. I mean, come on, the Hoff won't even be in it? The guy who made Baywatch, the sleaziest show to ever grace television won't do this show and there are still people who think it will succeed? Right..
  • Star Trek DS9
    Okay, so it's supposed to be Star Trek, but divergent from the standard by being about a bunch of people living on a space station in the middle of nowhere. The cast includes an anally retentive freakish man-thing that supposedly can change shape, a sleazy and cliche guy with enormous ears and bad teeth, and a handful of other characters that all fit into some sort of stereotype. Then you throw in that the show is mostly about...okay I have no idea what the show is about. It's not that DS9 is a bad idea--in fact I would argue that it is a good idea, since it's something that isn't often done as far as science fiction ins concerned--it's that it's a Star Trek show. I know there were cool space battles here and there during DS9's run, but I never saw it, and in all honesty they could have done so much with the concept. Maybe I'm wrong on this one, but I just couldn't stand DS9. It put me to sleep and I think half of that was because I expected it to be like the other Star Trek stuff, or at least similar, but it wasn't.
  • Alias
    Jennifer Garner's Neanderthal forehead. I rest my case.
  • Bionic Woman (new one)
    Okay, I tried to watch this one. It had its moments, but between it failing to do what BSG did successfully (re-imagining an older concept) and the rather obvious non-American-ness of the star (her accent came through in her acting is what I mean here) this show just sucked. Let's also talk about the fact that the main character, who is supposed to be forced into working for this organization/government/whatever miraculously can slip away to meet people that probably think she's dead, or should think she's dead or missing, or whatever. Meh.
  • Total Recall 2070
    It's not that this show is necessarily horrible in the same way as others on this list. It's visually a well done show and it certainly has a good concept. The problem is it just doesn't do anything with those concepts. It's an intentionally boring work that attempts to bring the vision of Blade Runner to one of Philip K. Dick's ideas/concepts/worlds. And it doesn't work. The acting is stiff (the main character is too much like Keanu Reeves and the other guy is sort of like a Vulcan, only not as interesting). Additionally, there are certain aspects of the show that are too obvious and too cliche--such as the secondary character who is OBVIOUSLY a freaking robot/replicant/non-human. If they were trying to make it seem like a secret the writers did a really poor job of it, because I knew the second the guy showed up on the screen. It was placed too perfectly for anything else to happen. The show had potential too, it just failed to rise to that potential.
  • Sliders (the end of Season Three on)
    Now, hold on. I know what you're thinking. "Isn't that one of your favorite shows ever?" Yes, it is, but I'm willing to admit that the show went downhill pretty fast after John-Rhys Davies left. Wait...see, that's just it. John-Rhys Davies didn't just leave, he was actually canned. But not even in a public way. No, the people behind making the show were pissed at Davies for pointing out the lack of quality in the show during the third season (and he was right to point out that things weren't looking too good) and so instead of just canning him, they wrote his character's death into the Exodus episode. Oh, and Davies knew that someone was getting bumped off and didn't think it would be him, and I understand why. So, I am putting anything after Season Three on this list precisely because of the very fact that the producers sacrificed quality over a few hurt feelings. Yeah, lame.
There you go. Go on, get mad at me...

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  1. Anonymous8:17 AM

    Retarded cousin of X-men?

    At least no one wrote a "retarded" cousin of Star Wars, miss-matching it into a setting evocative of a "retarded" version of Lord of the Rings...


    I retract my statement.

  2. Ha, now I like that :P.

  3. HAHAHAHAHAHA *dies*

    Well that made my midnight.