Fishing (or Publishing); Whatever

Person One:  There is only one way to fish.  Fly fishing.  Obviously.  You would be a fool to try anything else.
Person Two:  Nu-uh.  Angling is the only valid method, sir.  I have clearly done better than you via this method, so you really don't know what you're talking about.
Person Three:  Oh yeah?  Well I know better than both of you.  Netting is clearly the best method, because you can catch more fish at the same time, and that means you can be as fat and pompous as you like...I mean, you can eat lots.
Person Four:  You're all wrong, and utterly stupid for not realizing that the best method is clearly spearfishing, which has the ability of bringing you closer to the medium of the fish.  Without the spear, we would not be fisherman.
Person Five:  Bullshit.  You're all morons.  Hand gathering is truly getting "into the fish."  This is how the masters do it, and if you can't be bothered to do it this way, then I'd rather piss in your cereal than let you anywhere near the fish.
Person Six:  I kinda like all of them.  Sometimes it's nice to have all these different ways to do things.
Persons One through Five:  FUUUUUUUUUUUUU SHUT UP YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU DIE DIE DIE GGRRRRRAAAAAAA!

The traditional vs. indie vs. self-publishing debate in a nutshell.  Involving fish.  As metaphors.  The end.

For the record:  I don't know anything about fishing, except that there are lures and things.  And that you catch fish.  And then eat them.  I want fish...

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