First, some back-story. I recently began eating grapefruits as snacks/meals in a sad attempt to lose weight and get in better shape. I suffer from what I'd like to call English Major Body, which is a rare condition that forces you to look something like the image below, but with all of your fat content evenly concentrated around the midsection. This is different from having a beer belly, which concentrates a lot of your fat in your stomach (I have no interest in demonstrating this via a picture). I want to get rid of this shape, and that means I have to start eating things that are supposed to make my insides act like they haven't been chugging down processed plastic and grease. In all fairness, I am not very good at such things, though I have developed an expert
ability to walk and read at the same time, which burns a lot of extra calories while making the act mildly entertaining. The result of this process of de-English-Majoring myself is that I now have grapefruits in my produce drawer. Or so I thought.
But forgive me if I don't think this conspiracy will end with grapefruit. What's next? Apples. You watch. One day I'll go to the store to buy some Red Delicious apples (like the ones below). I'll pick the best of the lot and head home thinking about the wonderfully sweet flavor of those apples (imported from Washington, no doubt). But when I finally bite into one, I'll quickly discover that someone has painted over the apple with bright red lead paint in order to disguise the tangy Granny Smith flesh. At first, I'll be upset, because I was expecting sweet rather than sour. Then it will dawn on me: I've just eaten lead paint. And somewhere in the back room of a grocery store sits a giggling produce man, who has managed to trick most of the town with his red lead paint disguise. Ten thousand people will die of lead poisoning and the Florida apple trade (assuming we grow apples here) will blow up. People will come from all over the world to buy our lead-free mediocre apples, and the produce man will get a $5,000,000 kickback for his good work.
So be careful while you're at the grocery store. You might get tricked and give a little troll in the back room a good laugh. And whenever a troll laughs, a puppy is eaten by a whale.
That is all...
P.S.: This is a joke I have concocted in order to avoid taking responsibility for accidentally buying oranges instead of grapefruits from my local Publix. Some of the above is true. Some of it is fictional. I won't tell you which, because it's funnier that way...for me.
P.S.S.: Yes, I am aware that the Moon Landings really happened. That joke would be one of those fictional things...