Why Avatar Will Suck, and Everyone Will See It Anyway

It's coming, and everyone has been waiting for it. The big secret is out. We have a good idea what Avatar is all about, we've got a glimpse of the amazing CGI, and a little taste of all the actors of this soon-to-be blockbuster. Everyone will probably see Avatar, and though it probably won't beat out the big boys in sales, it will still do damn well.

But it's going to suck something awful. Why?

Point One -- Lots of Pretty, But No Substance
Nobody will deny that Avatar takes the cake for pulling out all the stops for its CGI. From the world to the characters, Avatar is showing us everything that CGI has to offer. But there's the problem. Like many other action flicks that do damn well in the box office, but still suck, Avatar is destined to failure. It will be a CGI-laden suckfest that will make Transformers 2 look like the greatest film in the world. Everything is going to be overly saturated with computer-animated characters and landscapes and whatever story is supposed to be there will get lost under the endless waves of action and flashy bits. Look at Transformers 2 and tell me that movie had a consistent and coherent plot; it was one CGI orgy after another, and no matter how amazing it looked, it couldn't make up for what was missing: the substance (characters, story, etc.). Avatar has already fallen into this modern film-making trap by having one of the biggest budgets for a mainstream film in history.

Point Two -- There's Nothing Let to See, and We've Seen It Before
Have you seen the trailer? If you have, then tell me what is the point in seeing the movie? The trailer has pretty much told us everything we need to know: mankind has figured out how to go to this other planet (where is irrelevant, so whether it's in another star system or in an alternate universe doesn't need to be said) and they're selling off land like hotcakes. The only problem is that the weird-looking natives are messing with the evil corporation's plans. In comes muscular, wood-faced man who is magically turned into one of the alien critters and sent out to get info and make sure the evil corporation can get what it wants. But, oh no, he realizes he's not supposed to do that and must help the natives instead, because they're all nice and he has a human heart, and other things we've seen a dozen times before in films that didn't need such high budgets to get the job done (Christ, Disney has done at least four or five of these). That's all in the trailer. And because we know the good guy is going to win, there's no point seeing the movie. We've seen the good bits, we know what's going to happen, and whatever surprises were left are, more or less, meaningless (likely because there won't be any).
Point Three -- Wood People
If you've seen the trailer, then you have a good idea how one-dimensional the characters already are and the level of wooden acting we're expected to see. It all feels like a really contrived, cardboard-flavored action movie that will have little to say about its genre or its plot. The dialogue is stiff, the facial expresses look too obviously acted out, and the only thing covering up what will doom this movie to being remembered only for how much money it pulls in are the pretty bits that flutter about in the trailer. Blue people and pretty landscapes! Yippee! You have to hand it to the marketing people for making sure this one doesn't easily expose itself to the public for what it most likely is: crap.

But, despite all that, I'll probably see it anyway. Why? Because Hollywood is an infectious virus that slowly consumes your soul. You can fight it and be that weird guy who never goes to the movies, or be eaten alive while being injected with dizzy, drug-like contentment. It's inevitable: see it or explode.

What do you think? Will Avatar be good or bad?

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